My Life Changing Rebirth Experience with Plant Medicines

By Katja

I first heard about ayahuasca 12 years ago when I volunteered in Peru. I was intrigued, but to be honest, too scared to do it back then. I did not have any experiences with psychedelics at that time, and knew that if I ever did it, it must be in a safe setting.

In the months before I came to Gaia Sagrada, a lot of things happened in my life. It was the end of the pandemic, I just quit my job due to burnout, and I had just broken up with my boyfriend.

All these changes left me in a state of uncertainty about how I want to design the rest of my life, and how to address this absence I was feeling.

Suddenly at this moment I heard the call of Ayahuasca – meaning that the idea suddenly popped into my mind, and it just felt like the right time to do it.

I didn’t have any contacts, so I started researching. I went through reviews, read forums, and the name Gaia Sagrada came up over and over again.

I was originally fixed on going to Colombia for a retreat, but Gaia Sagrada convinced me with the abundant information on the website, the good reviews, and especially the combination of Ayahuasca and the San Pedro.

I booked it and one month later, I was there.

 

Preparing for my plant medicine journey

There’s a lot out there on the internet regarding how to prepare for an Ayahuasca ceremony. But I stuck with the recommendations on the Gaia Sagrada website. I thought, if there are any questions, I can always ask the Gaia staff via email.

Two weeks before the retreat, I stopped drinking alcohol, no more occasional cigarettes, and I refrained from coffee and sugar as well as fast food.

Most people (including me) felt that putting in the effort to live healthy while refraining from alcohol did them good, even before the retreat started.

While preparing for my plant medicine journey, I also started journaling and used a mediation app to get a daily routine with some guided meditation which helped me focus on my intentions for the retreat.

I felt this really helped me prepare for the medicines and set the tone for what I was about to experience.

 

My rebirthing experience during the ayahuasca ceremony

I was very nervous before the first Ayahuasca ceremony, but we had a couple of meetings and lots of occasions to talk to the volunteers beforehand, so I felt really prepared.

The advice to consciously breathe when it’s getting intense was the most valuable when it came to the ceremony.

I had a lot of intentions floating around in my mind but in the end, I decided to really ask for guidance for my future.

In the end, ayahuasca decides what she wants to show you. Some participants felt like they could really follow their intentions, others reported that they got shown something completely different but also very valuable. There also seems to be a big variety in how intense the Ayahuasca trip turns out to be.

For me it was very intense. More than anything I ever experienced with psychedelics.

 

What I experienced

I had visual phenomena where I could see colorful shapes and dots in the air, and also heard a humming sound. But the most powerful thing were the visions I had with closed eyes. I felt like I was thrown into a bright but immaterial space in which I could hear a million noises.

In the ceremonies at Gaia, there is a sacred fire, and the shamans play music. This all came together in one big space. It felt like a big playground with endless possibilities.

I saw a white door on a white background, but I have to admit that I was so overwhelmed that I did not walk through that door. My body was feeling really weak, so I lied down on the side. This is when the visions changed, and it felt like I was being reborn.

 

The rebirth

First, I was a little seed of a plant which was growing on the side of a huge tree. Suddenly, I was a seed of grass, and in the end a fetus of some mammal.

It is hard to describe but it felt like I was growing bigger, and about to be born.

Interestingly, I was not too happy about it. I was arguing with the Ayahuasca, saying that this is not what I want. I didn’t want to be reborn, I just wanted to rest.

My life so far has been so stressful, why do I have to be reborn?

To my surprise, my wish was heard, and the experience eased off.

 

What I learnt from the experience

When I came down from the Ayahuasca, at first, I felt exhausted. I was frustrated with myself because I judged the visions instead of interacting with them, which is why I believe they stopped.

So, I asked myself:

Why didn’t I go through that door?

Why didn’t I allow myself to be reborn?

I felt so helpless during my experience which I was absolutely not used to. So, I became really defiant, telling myself that I hate Ayahuasca, that I’m going to leave this place.

Well, I am glad I didn’t!

Once I was ready to leave the maloka (where the ceremonies are held), I met all these great volunteers and other participants who helped me gain insight and make sense of my experiences. I started to realize that it was a really valuable lesson for me to go through that process, to experience helplessness, because that is how life is sometimes.

Being able to ask for help and accepting that not everything is in my control helped me find some sense of peace in my life.

I came to Gaia Sagrada because my life was at a point of change, and as I saw during the ceremony that there are millions of possibilities, it made me realize that life is what I make it.

In order to start over and be “reborn”, it’s important to leave the past behind.

 

My experience with San Pedro

San Pedro for me was something completely different, but wonderful. It helped me make more sense of what I experienced during ayahuasca.

San Pedro did not give me any visuals but made me feel very connected to the group I was with.

We took a lot of time to share important aspects of our lives with one another. I could somehow relate to all the stories that have been told, where I got emotional at some, and laughed with others.

I kept thinking the entire time what I might say when it is my turn, but at the end I was really spontaneous about it. I thought I would be talking about difficult aspects of my past but in the end, I got a lot of input on my path for the future.

There was so much variety in the topics we talked about, which is just wonderful. I benefited so much just from listening the others.

 

What am I taking home?

First of all, I am part of a beautiful family now. The group has been more than amazing, and it is so valuable to be connected to like-minded people.

From feeling completely lost and alone, I’m now returning home with so much inspiration for my future.

It’s not that I drank some ayahuasca and it laid out my future step by step and gave me all the answers. What I learnt is that it doesn’t work that way. But it illuminated all the possibilities and showed me the work I have to do to manifest them.

From being exhausted from life and anxious of what’s to come, I now return with excitement and curiosity.

I hope that in difficult situations I will be able to remember how much strength I was showed during the ceremonies when I was battling with my own emotions and struggling to overcome these difficulties.

I am very grateful for this experience, and I have a feeling that I will return one day.